Don't smoke don't fight don't light no cigarettes
Or else you'll wind up in the can
No jokes no rights sit tight don't fool around
You are a guest of Uncle Sam
Stand up look right don't slouch and stand at ease
Allow no sex above the knees
When I snap you jump into the master plan
I'll be damned
Well I'll be damned
I'll be damned if I drink or smoke
Damned if I steal your joke
I'll be damned if I go for broke
Damned if I do
Damned if I don't

Don't talk don't fool don't try to mess around
I'll make a monkey outta you
You sign your name right on that dotted line boy
I'll be damned

I'll be damned if I drink or smoke
Damned if I steal your joke
I'll be damned if I go for broke
Damned if I do
And damned if I don't

I'll be damned if I drink or smoke
Damned if I steal your joke
I'll be damned if I go for broke
I'm damned if I do
I'm damned if I don't

I'll be damned if I drink or smoke
Damned if I steal your joke
I'll be damned if I go for broke
I'm damned if I do
I'm damned if I don't

I'll be damned
I'll be damned
I'll be damned
I'll be damned
I'll be damned
I'll be damned